If you’re thinking about leaving your marriage

trishadando
3 days ago
4 min read

Start with this thought......have no regrets. Regrets are hard to live with so you must be clear about the reasons for getting out of your relationship, especially if children are involved.

Commit to 3 months of trying everything you can to save your relationship (unless it is clear cut and there is no doubt that splitting up is the only way forward).

Identify the issues on both sides and commit to doing what is required to try and rectify them.
Sit down and discuss these issues with your partner, ask questions such as:
- What areas of our relationship are you happy with?
- What areas would you like to improve?
- What specifically do you think we can do to make things better?
- What shall we each commit to doing for 3 months?
If your partner is not willing to commit to working on things for 3 months then just work on a list of things yourself.
At the end of 3 months of doing whatever you can to try to rectify things, you will have a better understanding of whether this is a relationship you want to stay in. This way you know you will have tried everything you could to save it and you will limit the possibility of having any what if's or doubts about your decision.

If after these 3 months, you still believe that splitting up is the only way forward then follow this guide for your first steps on this journey. And well done for doing this exercise as it requires resilience, patience and an understanding that this is not a race.

First things first: if you’re even reading something like this, it usually means you’ve been carrying a lot on your own for a long time. Leaving isn’t a snap decision — it’s something people circle for months or years, quietly asking themselves “Can I really keep doing this?”

This isn’t about blowing your life up. It’s about protecting yourself and giving future-you a chance to breathe.

Here’s a gentler, more real-world guide to leaving — not all at once, not perfectly, just thoughtfully.

Start with your own clarity (before anyone else’s opinions)

You don’t need a dramatic reason that would convince a courtroom or your family WhatsApp group. You just need your reason.

Try this for yourself (no one else needs to see it):

I’m leaving because…
I’ve tried…
What I want now is…

This becomes your anchor on the days you wobble or start gaslighting yourself.

Don’t do this alone (even if you’re used to doing everything alone)

Pick one or two safe people — not the loudest, not the most opinionated, but the ones who won’t rush you or scare you.

This is also where the right professional support matters. A lot of people assume they need a solicitor first, when what they actually need is clarity, confidence, and a plan.

That’s where someone like New Dawn Divorce Coaching can help — especially Trisha, who works specifically with people who feel overwhelmed, stuck, or scared of making the “wrong” move. Coaching isn’t about pushing you to leave — it’s about helping you leave well, if and when you choose to.

Quiet preparation is not betrayal — it’s self-respect

You don’t owe anyone chaos.

Before big conversations:

Gather copies of important documents (IDs, finances, mortgage, pensions, kids’ paperwork)
Take a realistic look at money (what’s coming in, what’s going out)
If it’s appropriate, open an account in your own name
Think about where you’d go if you needed space quickly

This isn’t sneaky. It’s stabilising.

Safety comes first (even if things have never been “that bad”)

If there’s any chance your partner could react badly — emotionally, financially, or physically — plan for safety before honesty.

That might mean:

Having somewhere lined up to stay
Packing essentials quietly
Turning off shared location tracking
Delaying “the talk” until you’re secure

You’re allowed to prioritise your wellbeing without explaining yourself.

Plan the first two weeks, not the rest of your life

You don’t need a five-year vision right now.

You need:

Somewhere to sleep
Access to money
Your phone, meds, documents
A rough plan for work and/or the kids

That’s it. Everything else can wait.

How you tell them matters — but not as much as you think

There’s no perfect script. There is a clear one.

Something simple like:

“I’ve made the decision that we need to separate. This isn’t up for debate. I want to focus on practical next steps.”

You don’t need to convince, justify, or relive every argument. Those conversations come later — preferably with support.

If you have children, aim for steady, not perfect

Kids don’t need a flawless transition. They need:

Predictability
Reassurance
Adults who don’t put them in the middle

Write things down. Keep routines where you can. Get help early if communication gets difficult.

Expect emotional whiplash — it doesn’t mean you’re wrong

Even when leaving is the right decision, it can hurt like hell.

You might feel:

Relief one day, grief the next
Strong in the morning, paralysed at night
Lonely even when supported

This is normal. It doesn’t mean you should go back.

Support — whether from a coach like Trisha, a therapist, or a steady friend — helps you ride this without turning back out of fear.

You’re allowed to do this slowly

You don’t have to:

Decide everything now
Be brave every day
Tell everyone the truth all at once

You just have to take one honest step at a time.